


5.14

by Herlovestoryx



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst, Kids, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, disbandment au, prepare for a ride, reunion au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-03
Updated: 2017-06-03
Packaged: 2018-11-08 12:23:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11081514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Herlovestoryx/pseuds/Herlovestoryx
Summary: '...and Kihyun just watches the sky drop pelts of white ice onto the ground and wonders if this is a bad omen to anything.'Or they break up. And their lives after.





	5.14

**Author's Note:**

> OR the disbandment AU/ Reunion AU no one ever wanted  
> Or Melinda writes a fic cause of 2ne1, Sistar and Taehyung leaving winner  
> Or Melinda fucks everything up, makes her babies cry cause she a masochist  
> slow updates cause this fic long, i'm in the middle of exams and i still need to update like half my stories.
> 
> Warning; Long af note ahead. pls skip. unless you want to know my inner mind;  
> Ok, the motive of this fic is well, as explained above. a little after the news of 2ne1 disbanning and Taehyung leaving winner, I kinda realize that nothing- even kpop bands- last forever. which is an understatement. but even people who are attached (read; MX) and close, can have problems and that might lead to their downfall...  
> and so this was born.  
> what really didn't help was 5.14 for the notion that even they're aware that they might not last and then Sistar...  
> and so this is like a mini venting story? a worst possible case if they do disband @some point.
> 
> (dont worry i hate myself too for writing this)  
> (p.s: everytime u see a name from another Kpop band - they've also split....yeah.)  
> Set 9/10 years from now

It’s been a long time since that song, has affected him.

‘5:14’ plays on his speakers, and Kihyun takes a puff of his cigarette  watching the world continue to turn, from the bottom of his balcony.

He has a recording to do tomorrow- his last one for his new album and he knows he has to get up early. It’s not a feat for him, but staying up past 2 am isn’t doing him any favours, and he can already hear Hoseok complaining on how much little sleep he’s been getting, since he announced that he will be making a comeback (despite the three-month period since his last songs) and Kihyun’s not entirely sure if he’s willing to deal with that headache.

A sigh blows over, and Kihyun stubs out his poison onto the little ashtray he bought from New York, from his last tour. Hoseok hates his bad habit, makes a show of wrinkling his nose every time he smells smoke from him or sees tiny bits of ash clinging onto his fingernails.  But Kihyun doesn’t stop (Hasn’t in years) despite the health risks, and what he’s doing to his voice, every time he breathes in herbs.

_“You still sing”_ Kihyun can hear Hoseok say from a memory not too long ago, sadness intertwining with the words like a candy cane “ _Please stop, before you lose it”_

The words hurt more than Kihyun lets on, and yet despise the warning, Kihyun still buys a pack before he got home, still smokes a couple and loses himself with memories of what use to be.

The ex-main vocal, of the group that still holds a large chunk of him, lolls his had up towards the stars. They twinkle, together, back at him and Kihyun has never felt so mocked in his life. He closes his eyes regardless, as Jooheon raps the last line from his radio.

_“gieokhae i shigan_

_Remember this moment_ ”

Tears pool under his eyes, but Kihyun refuses to open them; completely lost in the moment.  He stands and continues to sway with the wind, to an un-played melody that use to (still does) mean so much to him.

He doesn’t drag his ass to bed until 4 am.

..

They break up on their 6th year. 4 years since their first win. 9 years since they’ve known each other.

He remembers Hoseok saying _“at least they’ve passed the ‘break it’ year”,_ as he swings a bottle of soju and clings onto Kihyun as hard as the younger clings onto him. Kihyun doesn’t remember saying anything to respond to it; just remembers tears, and tears until he’s petrified that he’s going to drown in it.

He remembers passing out and waking up a couple hours later; Hoseok leaning onto him, with tear streaks painted on his face like a canvas, and his bedroom looking half empty and feeling cold. He remembers clearing his throat and feeling the rawness of his throat and the sudden itchiness of his eye as he stands up and makes his way to the kitchen to make himself some tea of sorts.

He remembers pausing at the entry-way to their living room, heart pounding hard and fast as he suddenly realises how real the situation is. Realises that everything’s gone.

He remembers breaking down again, before everything fades away.

…

Hoseok forces him to come down to his studio at half 1 in the afternoon to eat lunch. Kihyun doesn’t really want to go- he would rather sing till the notes are perfect and his throat is raw with satisfaction.

He still trudges his way to the studio, and plops himself onto Hoseok’s couch, never-minding the things on it.

“Ya!” Hoseok yells, as he spins on his chair to look at the younger, “Can you look where you’re sitting?”

Kihyun hums and shifts to look at him, “You shouldn’t put things on the couch then hyung.”

Hoseok sputters and Kihyun grins at the familiarity of it.

“Whatever.” Hoseok rolls his eyes and turns back to his laptop. “Do you want to get a hot pot or ramen for lunch?”

Kihyun raises a brow, “what kind of hot pot?”

“Budae Jjigae?”

“From where?”

“There’s a new restaurant down the street. They also do ramen…”

“You just want ramen don’t you.”

“Not if you don’t want it.”

“Didn’t you have ramen yesterday with Seungyoon-sunbae?”

“That was two days ago. And it was dinner. Plus, ramen’s good any day.”

“You have an obsession hyung.”

“I don’t think that’s any of your concern Kihyunnie.”

“It is when you die from an overload, hyung.”

Hoseok doesn’t say anything as a response, but Kihyun can mentally picture the older flipping him the finger.

Kihyun sighs in annoyance, never minding the fond smile that tugs its way onto his lips. “Fine. Let’s get ramen then.”

Though it’s said in a whisper, Kihyun still hears Hoseok ‘s “Yes!” right before the other male turns to him, eyes twinkling in happiness.

“This is why I love you Kihyun-ah.” Hoseok says dreamingly, “You always make good choices.”

“Shut up and get your coat, hyung.”

They make light conversation as they walk to the restaurant. It’s barley winter, still near the end of October, but coldness seeps into Kihyun skin despite his thick coat, and when Hoseok huffs a laugh, condensation escapes his mouth and fades alongside the air.

The restaurant that Hoseok takes him is small but comfortable. It’s not overly crowded, but Kihyun is still cautious of bumping into anyone when the waitress shows them to their seats. Orders are taken, drinks placed and when the waitress leaves, Hoseok and Kihyun slip into a dull ease that often happens as a result of knowing each other for over 16 years. Kihyun takes a sip of his water, and Hoseok hums a tune under his breathe. It sounds suspiciously like ‘OI.’

“How’s your song going by the way?” Hoseok asks after a while. Kihyun, trapped in a memory that the song provoked, blinks and sits up. “What?”

Hoseok raises a brow, a side of his mouth lifted, “Song, album. Ringing any bells Kihyun-ah?”

“Oh right.” He closes his eyes- a hand coming up to rub at his temple. Maybe he should’ve forced Hoseok to take him to a café instead, “It’s fine but…”  he blinks and looks back up to Hoseok. “was our producer always such a hardass? Like I remember you complaining about him, and I always thought you were exaggerating but now…”

Hoseok laughs, “Told you.” He taunts, “You should’ve stuck with me. Or Yoongi. Someone else other than him”

Kihyun rolls his eyes “Yoongi is dealing with his own shit hyung.”  He takes another mouthful of water; ice cubes rattling as his straw scrapes the inside of the glass “And he has already helped me enough. And you” he glares pointedly at Hoseok, who for all his years, still manages to look like a scared bunny right before he’s scolded, “have a song to write for the new girl group. Are you even done with their title track yet?”

Hoseok sighs, “Did Hyung-soo hyung tell you to tell me?”

“Actually, it was Hyolyn noona.” Kihyun states, eyes drifting to the window next to him.  “She’s featuring on the album and she needs to record before she leaves for Europe.”

“Oh. Shit.”

Kihyun turns back to him and smirks, “I wouldn’t upset her if I were you.”

Hoseok rubs a hand over his face “I know…it’s just I’ve been so tired lately.”

There’s something curious about the way Hoseok demeanour changes.  Kihyun can’t stop himself before he asks, “Doing what hyung?”

Hoseok tenses, hand still covering his left eyelid. He slowly lets his arm drop, and the smile he gives Kihyun is just a tad too forced.

“N-nothing.” He shutters, and Kihyun picks up the stiffness of his voice and catalogues it into his head; trying to find where he’s heard the same tone before, “Just watching some films at night.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah,” Hoseok’s grin is still frozen on his face, “just some new action movies, and Hyunwoo mentioned that a new drama came out…”

The words Hoseok says seems simple enough, but the urgency for Kihyun to drop it, is clear in his tone. Hoseok has never used the hyung card, not even in their MX days when he could’ve easily done so to get himself out of sticky situations, but the way Hoseok’s mouth quirks and his eyes seem to be pleading something, Kihyun has no doubt that he might do so now.

“Hmm” Kihyun hums, “You’ve spoken to Hyunwoo hyung recently then? He hasn’t called me in a while…”

Hoseok latches onto the change of topic like a puppy to a bone. They move onto Hyunwoo and his very pretty but evidently hyper fiancé and how apparently, they might be adopting a cat or a dog soon.  As the conversation keeps going something inside of Kihyun bristles and scowls; undoubtedly Hoseok is hiding something from him and it grates on Kihyun’s nerves on what it possibly might be.

Kihyun pauses, as the waitress put’s their food onto the table.

Or _who_ it might be, is probably the better justification.

..

When they leave the restaurant, stomachs full and hands warm, its snowing.

It’s not uncommon, for it to snow so soon- but it’s not even halloween yet and there’s something disconcerting about this factor. Hoseok sneers something about climate change, all the while sticking out his tongue to catch falling snowflakes, and Kihyun just watches the sky drop pelts of white ice onto the ground and wonders if this is a bad omen to anything.

Or a good one.

A gaggle of young fans stop him whilst they walk back to Starship, asking for an autograph- somehow managing to recognise him even with his hood up and him looking like a giant eskimo. Hoseok stands back and watches, smile small and melancholic and Kihyun’s heart constricts at the sight he spots from the corner of his eye.  

Hoseok had stopped professionally singing around the same time Monsta x disbanded. Kihyun’s not too sure why though, but Hyunwoo once explained to him that it’s because Hoseok feels bad, about not singing with a group. Hyunwoo himself doesn’t sing as much as he use to- opting to do OST’s more often than making an album, but Kihyun charts that up to the factor that Hyunwoo’s busy; reality TV has gone up as a high demand, and Hyunwoo is everywhere. On every show that has popularity- specifically dance ones.

While with Hoseok…he just stopped. He still features on some of Kihyun’s songs and even Changkyun’s; adding ad-libs and harmonising choruses but he never wants to be credited or be given the slightest of attention on it. It drives both Kihyun and Changkyun insane with guilt.

Jinyoung mentioned that it could be the ‘Mother Theresa affect’- Hoseok feels guilty and honestly thinks that this is the only way for him to not do so. He’s taken the blame for everything, despite it not being his fault. Kihyun has tried subtly telling Hoseok that he doesn’t _need_ to- it’s not _his fault_ that those three _left_ and didn’t even pretend to glance back or offer anything to compensate, but it always falls on deaf ears, and Kihyun’s learned to stop.

Changkyun’s almost similar in a way; avoiding collaboration with certain rappers, who have an association with _him_ , and Kihyun’s just sick and tired of the mess that transpired as a consequence of all of this.

Kihyun signs the little scraps of paper that the girls offer to him and smiles. They’re prepare to leave when one of the girls glances to the side and spots Hoseok; her facial features shifting into an expression similar to a hyper puppy. The two girls with her and Kihyun himself quirk an eyebrow at her excitement.

“I know you!” she says, voice high pitched and directed at Hoseok. Hoseok looks like a deer caught in a headlight.  “You’re Wonho!”

Hoseok flinches subtly and Kihyun smile stiffens.

“Y-yeah” Hoseok coughs awkwardly, “I am.”

She doesn’t seem to notice the odd atmosphere that surrounds them all, as she bounces on her tippy-toes, “I can’t believe that I’m actually meeting two members of Monsta x!I was really sad when I found out you disbanded, but then I saw an article talking about Kihyun oppa’s new solo!” she turns back to Kihyun, “ I really love your voice oppa! It’s really pretty.”

Kihyun struggles to get any words out, chest tightening. “Thank you.”

“I also like your voice too, Wonho oppa!” she continues to say, “though you don’t sing anymore.” She deflates a little, “Is it ok, if I ask why?”

“Seonhui” one of her friends mutter, nervousness tugging onto her face, “Stop-”

“No, it’s ok.” Hoseok smiles, and it feels warmer than any hot chocolate ever could, “I just…haven’t had the time?” he poses a statement like it’s a question.

The girl seems mildly satisfied with the answer.  They all separate after Hoseok awkwardly signs the other side of her paper, and the girls wave, promising to buy Kihyun’s new album as soon as it gets out.

Kihyun lightly bumps his shoulder with Hoseok’s, just as a snowflake melts onto his forehead. “You okay hyung?”

“Yeah.” Hoseok mumbles, “I just wasn’t expecting her to recognise me.”

Kihyun nods, “Yeah, she seems a little young.” Which is an understatement.

They’ve disbanded almost a decade ago. She seems no older than 14, so the factor that she even recognises Hoseok is odd. They still have old fans; Monbebes who still latch onto the idea of a reunion, but the chances are slim to impossible.

How can a reunion occur when 6 out of the 7 members don’t even talk to each other?

Hoseok sighs, “let’s hurry before snow gets into my shoe.”

Kihyun nods, and they pick up the pace; feet trudging quickly on the slushed snow.

..

They get back to Starship within five minutes. Hoseok shakes the snow out of his hair, as soon as they enter the heated atmosphere. Kihyun sneezes at the rapid temperature change and starts to zip down his coat- a goodbye already set on his lips as he begins to start his long journey up to his recording booth.

“Wait- I forgot I wanted to show you something.” Hoseok calls out to him.  Kihyun turns around and stares blankly at Hoseok.

“Can’t it wait till later hyung?” Kihyun grumbles a little, “I still haven’t finished recording you know…”

“I’m not going to see you later” he looks pointedly at Kihyun. Kihyun misses what Hoseok’s attempts to communicate to him; brain sluggish and heart beating to the melody playing out in his head.

A few moments of silence and Hoseok sighs out in a disappointed manner. Kihyun doesn’t understand why he would be disappointed in any sense.

“You forget that I know you Kihyun-ah.” Hoseok starts, “You’re going to go upstairs and record; drive both yourself and your producer crazy ‘cause your perfectionist at heart and want this song to be perfect. Then once you’re finally done, pass out, wake up, smoke. Re listen to your song and decide whether or not you like it. Go home, pass out again, eat one of your herbal sticks before calling either me or Changkyun and complain about one of your tracks. Text Hyunwoo or Yoongi about your day and complain that Changkyun and I, were unhelpful as fuck. Pass out again, wake up and then clean your already spotless apartment.”

“I’m” Kihyun swallows, “I’m not that predictable.”

Hoseok’s smirk taunts him, “Sure. And blond hair _doesn’t_ suit me.”

Kihyun lets out a sigh, and stares at the floor- slowly counting down from 5 to 1. When he looks back up, Hoseok’s waiting patiently for his answer; arms crossed and knowing look on his face. Kihyun struggles to remember why punching Hoseok would be a bad thing.

“Fine.” Kihyun mutters, Hoseok’s smirk twists into a triumphant smile. “What did you want to show me?”

 

A tune drifts from the speakers in a sugary manner. It’s sweet and soft, high on some parts and low on others. There’s no proper medium and despite its incompleteness there’s something awe-worthy and perfect about it.  Like a calming spell- slowing Kihyun into a dazed ease.

“What do you think?” Hoseok asks as soon as the last note is hit.  Kihyun opens his eyes, the previous melody still playing in his head.

“It’s good hyung.” Kihyun says, as he goes to take a seat on the couch; sitting on something slightly uncomfortable and plasticy. “Is this what you’re writing for the girl group?”

“No actually.” Hoseok blushes a little and turns back to his laptop, “Well it was. But then I started messing with some keys and I realised that this…might not suit some of their voices anymore.”

“It’s high in some parts.” Kihyun comments.

“Yeah. We need another mezzo-soprano. Their main vocal can do it as well but...”

“She’ll end up singing much more than the rest?”

“About 60% more yeah. It won’t be fair to the rest of them, especially as it’s their debut song.”

Kihyun doesn’t comment about _their_ debut song and it’s “fairness.”

The thing Kihyun is sitting on, keeps digging onto the side of his butt. He lifts himself up a little to move the item away. And that’s when he spots it.

He hears Hoseok swish back around to face him, “But I was thinking maybe it would be good for a collaboration? Maybe you and Chang-oh. _Shit._ ”

His face hasn’t changed much. He has some winkles that are barley even noticeable via the magazine cover and his hair has been dyed a blondish brown, but he still looks the same as he did 7 years ago. Unfairly handsome. Pouty lips and big brown doe eyes that feels like it’s staring into Kihyun’s soul.

Kihyun doesn’t really hold grudges; there’s no point in them. But seeing his face, after so long of semi-unconsciously avoiding movies with him in it, and not even going to Seoul’s fashion show last year despite being invited, strikes some nerve within him. It rattles insides his bones and a strike hits a little too close to his heart.

“Hoseok.” And it’s so rare for Kihyun to not use any honorifics at all.  He’s not even looking at him, still stuck staring at the publications in his hands. “Why do you have stacks of magazines with Hyung -won’s face on it?”

“it’s from his latest fashion show...” Hoseok says, sounding like a scolded child.

Kihyun looks at him then. They lock eyes, a furious brown meeting a pitiable contacted grey.

He can see that Hoseok is pleading with him; asking him not to say anything. Not to give any of this any thought. But Kihyun can’t- his mind going a mile a minute, trying to comprehend why there’s stacks upon stacks of magazines- all of them dotted with a face that he hasn’t seen in years.

Kihyun just doesn’t get why Hoseok’s torturing himself like this.

“Ki” Hoseok whispers, “Don’t…please.”

“Why hyung?” Kihyun whispers back ignoring him.

Hoseok closes his eyes and swallows hard-his Adams apple bobbing harshly. “I’ve…I’ve missed him.”

_‘Is that your excuse?’_ Kihyun doesn’t say. He looks back at the publication. Pretty yet unreadable brown eyes stare back at him, and Kihyun sighs.

Maybe he’s being overdramatic; thinking a little too hard on this. It’s not like he’s innocent either; he’s brought a couple of Jooheon’s albums since the split (Knows that Changkyun has a small little collection of them too) and he’s watched Minhyuk on his shows; his MCing talent making everyone around him laugh while Kihyun struggles not to cry and remain impassive to what’s in front of him.

It’s just…Hoseok loved Hyungwon (and yeah Kihyun’s not innocent on this bit either. And though Kihyun didn’t love Hyungwon like _that,_ his heart still pounding hard whenever he sees or even thinks about _Min_...) and seeing how much the split affected him, Kihyun’s scared that it will happen again.

He steals a glance back at Hoseok. The raven head has his eyes trained on his lap, face flushed and eyelids blinking rapidly.

If Kihyun didn’t know any better, he would think that Hoseok wouldn’t cry so easily.

But only he did, and so the exhale he lets out, is soft and laced with unspoken words.

Kihyun drops the magazines loudly on the couch. It makes a heavy smacking sound. Hoseok’s eyes dart up quickly, before his form shrinks a little under Kihyun’s gaze.

Kihyun softens his features and gives him a tiny smile, “What was that about a collaboration?”

“Ki…” Hoseok mummers, disbelief wondering into his voice.

Kihyun chuckles lightly; it cracks and breaks under the heaviness of his voice, and he needs to clear his throat before he speaks again. “It’s fine hyung. “he says “We can talk about this later.”

Hoseok’s face becomes unreadable for a second. It’s a long pause, eyes searching the other, as they both try to get into their companion’s head.

Eventually a smile breaks out, tiny nearly microscopic, but filled with relief that’s showcased even in his speech when he shutters out an “Ok, Kihyun-ah.”

Kihyun’s smile blooms brighter; he hopes that Hoseok can’t tell that he’s faking. “So, a collaboration?”

“Oh yeah. So, I was thinking that maybe you and Changkyunnie could-”

Kihyun drifts out from the conversation, head and mouth on autopilot, agreeing to what Hoseok’s saying, whilst his mind blissfully overcrowds.

‘“ _I’ve missed him_ ”’ Kihyun’s mind echoes and loops- words rewinding back echoing louder and louder, until it’s all Kihyun can hear. The words hurt- and gives Kihyun a sudden reminder that he, himself is still half empty, and he- _he misses him too._

_He misses all of them._ So much that it’s almost an _ache_ when he thinks hard about it. He misses Jooheon and his dimples that you could sink into, Hyungwon’s sleepy gaze and Minhyuk and his ridiculousness that never failed to bring a laugh out of him. It’s odd that none of them speak- only communicating through Hyunwoo in short little stories and little photos that are only a snapshot of time.

He’s not sure why none of them can get over themselves and just talk. To each other. And maybe Kihyun’s a little stubborn, and maybe he’s just waiting for one of them to just call him. Or Changkyun or Hoseok- _just to say ‘Hi.’_   Only so that Kihyun can make sure that Jooheon’s eating enough, and that Hyungwon hasn’t driven his manager crazy with his hectic schedule and his out of place sleeping pattern, and that Minhyuk is taking care of his little girl okay- just to see if she’s just as adorable in her pictures, in actuality-

“Kihyun? Are you okay?” Hoseok’s voice snaps him back.

Kihyun blinks and refocuses his gaze on his hyung. “Yeah sorry. Just drifted off for a sec.”

Hoseok is quiet for a while. “Maybe you should go? Like go finish your song now, so you can rest a little earlier.”

“Yeah.” Kihyun mumbles “I should.”

The awkward tension is the air is hefty; it carries a shit load of unspoken words, and Kihyun’s a little afraid it will form rain clouds and drown both Hoseok and him in it- with angry confrontations that aren’t meant for the other.

“I’ll see you later hyung.” Kihyun gets up and walks towards the door. “Get rest ok? I’ll…I’ll call you when I get home.”

Hoseok nods, and Kihyun leaves. As he does so, Kihyun steals a quick glance at the sofa; Hyungwon’s face gleaming a little under Hoseok’s light and Kihyun’s heart thumps, then slows down as he starts his journey back to his recording booth.

They’re not going to talk about it later, Kihyun knows this. It’s not a conversation he should be having with Hoseok- Hoseok who craves closure, misses someone who stopped answering his calls years ago. Someone who only lives through magazine covers, movie screens, and still exists whenever Hyunwoo hesitantly brings the other three up- giving small info on how they’ve been doing.

No Kihyun isn’t the right person, Hoseok should be having this conversation with.

_But someone else is._

…

**Author's Note:**

> Gonna write some side notes here:  
> Cigarettes: The cigarettes that Kihyun smokes are herbal cigarettes. Non addictive but just as harmful as regular ones (as you shouldn't smoke herbs) . I didn't mention that Kihyun's off and on it which is why he doesn't really see/suffer the affects as much as he should. Dw, he gets off of it (for good.) 
> 
> Wonho: I wrote him as a producer instead of him still singing because I feel like it would be too painful for him to continue singing (as a solo artist). plus he seems to really like producing so...yeah.


End file.
